When you put your thoughts and feelings out there for people to see, and comment on, it is inevitable to experience negative feedback. I know that not everyone is going to agree wth my thoughts, feelings, and opinions, and yet the skinny little girl in coke bottle glasses that didn’t get enough from her daddy is still inside me wanting to please.
I’ve struggled with what to do with this blog. Honestly, it isn’t easy to put yourself out there for the interwebs to judge. I am exploring the dating world (if that’s what you call it), and this blog makes me more vulnerable. A simple google search will pull this up, and I don’t want my real self exposed to the dating world.
I’ve worked really hard to cultivate my superficial, giggly public persona, and without Mike I don’t really know if there is a point in letting new peeps know the real me.
The truth is, few know what it is like to be in my shoes unless they have walked in them. I’ve been asked how I can date, when I am so in love with my husband. The answer to that is that I have a deep capacity for love, and when it comes time, my heart will expand to include someone new. I will always be Mikes wife. If I ever love again I won’t stop loving Mike. He showed me what love, and commitment really are. How could I ever settle for anything less than that?
I’ve been dropped by some because they feel that I am crass, and inappropriate at times. That’s a fair assessment. Those people weren’t my people to begin with. I’m not for everyone, and that’s ok too. Grief is ugly. I understand those who walked away. Believe me, if I could have turned away from myself I would have too! It makes me so much more grateful for those who didn’t.
Dating after 50 is weird. First of all, I can’t believe I am 50, so that is probably part of my problem. I keep waiting for my momma to tell me to straighten up, but maybe she’s gotten used to me. I think she is probably just happy I’m not willing myself to die anymore, at least I’m not today. Dating is very superficial, and has required very little energy or effort. I can ask a leading question, and get away with giving very little information about myself. Sharing last names isn’t even required until many months of dating, or at least I think that is the case, I havn’t gotten that far yet! If I am dating you, and you are reading this I don’t mean you of course. Also, stop reading this right now, and be content with my fun, public self.
It feels right to continue this blog, so I will until it doesn’t feel right anymore.