Moving Forward

I am finally at the end of what has to be the longest move in the history of moving. For those keeping track, I bought a new house about 45 minutes away from my home of 10 years, and put my home up for sale about 6 months ago. It has been 6 long months of packing, purging, and moving. 6 long months of paying bills for 2 houses, paying for the upkeep on 2 houses, and all that is involved with that. It will finally reach a close, when the buyers of my house in Saline close on it on Monday.

It has been hard going back and forth from house to house. It has been hard going through 10 years of stuff collected in my old house. I had to go through all of Mikes stuff, and disperse of it. It was a lot of stuff. I went through love letters from his life before me, pictures of people I didn’t know, tools, clothes, all the things we acquire in a life. It would have been nice to have had help with all that, but I finally was able to get everything to the people he wanted it to go to, at some points delivering the stuff myself. I know that he didn’t want me to have to do all that, but that’s the way it worked out, and I am just grateful that he had me to do it for him.

I had to move my business in the heat of the summer, while working full time. That was tough. I literally closed one day, and reopened the next in a new location. When you are an only parent, single, and have to sell something to pay for something you just keep going.

I’ve figured out that after a lifetime of going it alone, It’s hard for me to reach out for help. I’ve experienced lip service offers of help, and genuine offers, and figuring out which is which offered a lot of opportunity to grow as a person.

I’ve learned that the ability to compartmentalize my feelings worked out great when going through my divorce, and taking care of a sick husband, but isn’t so great when dealing with the stress of paying for 2 houses, moving by myself and dealing with all of lifes other struggles at the same time. It finally culminated with a panic attack, an afternoon spent in the fetal position crying so hard I threw up, and my kiddo getting scared. I dusted myself off, and made some necessary changes in how I was dealing with things, and kept moving.

So here I am. Ready for the next phase of my life.
I hope it’s kinder, and more gentle. It is my life though, and I’ll keep laughing, and taking the hits. I may go down, but I won’t stay there for long.

Anne

2 Comments

  1. You are strong, because you have to be. You have spirit, because it’s what you need to do, and it’s who you are. Doing it alone is hard. Figuring out who the real friends are is harder, and such a let down when you make that discovery of who are not really as true as you though. I think of you often, and wish I could be there for you!

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