More Jesus less alone

Last week was tough. I had to have some surgery, was dealing with the feels from scattering Mikes remaining ashes up north, and was in the middle of the first post loss major decision i had to make alone.

At one point, after a mostly sleepless night, I got down on my knees beside my bed, and just started praying. Please God help me. Take some of this burden i feel off of my shoulders.

Since that night, i have started dreaming about Mike again,gained a small measure of peace, am seeing some positive results from the surgery finally after suffering for six months, and am a little more hopeful that I will actually be happy again someday.

The truth is I have been very quick to hold a grudge these last several months.It’s like I just can’t deal with anything but the heavy weight of sadness. It has been an anchor around my leg, reminding me every time i move of it’s presence.

A dear friend told me that she doesn’t recognize me half the time, or even know who I am anymore. That is something we have in common. I hardly recognize myself. I am cognizant of the fact that I am changed. How can i not be. I just hope when this sadness finally abates, that my people will still be here. I am trying, I really am.

Mike has been coming to me in my dreams again, after months of not feeling him. He has been reminding me of our love, of our amazing relationship. I was so blessed to have something that many never have in their whole lives. When the sadness overwhelms, i try to remind myself. Sometimes i can even go a day without giving myself a pep talk. That’s a positive considering not so long ago I could barely go minute to minute.

The exercise is helping.

Thank you God for the carry when i couldn’t walk it alone.



  1. Dear Anne,
    One set of footprints in the sand because he is carrying you in your time of need.
    Hope to see you in the Support Group tomorrow.

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